Fall is for falling

I love autumn. I know everyone seems to but it truly improves my mood and disposition every year when the seasons change. I've been struggling a lot lately. I feel perhaps my life isn't where it should be or where I want it to be. Low points are unavoidable. Trying to learn and analyze them instead of letting them totally bring me down is beyond difficult but I am making an effort to. I think now that it's getting cooler out I'm finally escaping the depths of a depression I haven't hosted in years. I wish I could deal with disappointment and frustration better but I deal the best way I can. Making plans to better yourself can alone improve your state of mind. I'm planing to go back to school and I'm really striving to push myself physically with my excercise regiment. I'm excited. Sometimes you can get lost in complacency and concede to it's sly grip around your neck. I think I almost gave into it but complacency is not for me. I'm starting to see tangible results with my weight lifting which I hadn't before. I am also making real plans to go back to school and get another degree just because I'm not satisfied with my current job situation and I feel I need a new skill set and a new profession. These things excite me. I didn't think I had anything much to look forward to for a while but now I do. It's sad I can so easily slip into negativity and desolation. Unfortunately, it's something I know too well and haunts me far too expertly. The difference now is I long for more. I don't want to feel low although I know some low points are necessary and unavoidable. Every situation is changeable for the most part. You hold the key to your happiness and your path. Make it happen. If I can pull myself from such a bleak outlook and discontent I do believe anyone can. It all lies within your intentions. 

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 Fuck sleep. It only seems to get in the way of the things you really wanna feel/think/say. Holding back just to hold on to that shred of sanity you think you have left. It just stared raining here and I believe there are no coincidences. Somehow haunted what couldn't have been. Forever unable to shake off my past. My demons. My fate. Is it really that surprising? No. Trying my damnest to ameliorate my past. I know I have made some progress but as always I feel like overall I'm at square one. The difference now is I'm not afraid to fall or to fail. I want to and I will and I have. It never gets easier. It only changes shapes and hues. And intentions. The desire and fire inside never burns out it only intensifies over time.