One month of gratitude- Day 1.

In the spirit of thanksgiving- I'm going to do 30 days of gratitude but I'm going to step it up a bit and not list anything material. So many people get wrapped up in bullshit material possessions and it pisses me off. You are not your fucking khakis. You don't need possessions. Having a big house or nice car doesn't make a fuckall of difference in your quality of life. By getting wrapped up in bulllshit materials you lose sight of more meaningful things and a more enriched life. Thinking your wealth merits any kind of happiness or status is exactly why our country is in the state it is. Greed is evil and as long as it exists people will step on those less fortunate to perpetuate their own agenda. If you have a roof over your head and food to eat, I'd say you're doing fairly well. 

So, for my day one of gratitude I would like to honor humility. It's been a long road for me to learn the art of being humble. I think it's a lesson many could benefit from if they'd just take a step back and re-evaluate their life. It's about the very nature of giving thanks. 

Think about all the times in your life that you've been boastful or ego-centric. Did it actually make you feel good? Or were you just tooting your own horn to mask your own insecurity? I don't know how we've come to a time where everything is a competition. A time where we have to be fitter, prettier, more successful than the next person. What is the point of all this? Sometimes I think perhaps it's to be unique, to stand apart or stand out from others. But really it seems to me that if everyone is trying to do that, maybe you're all just the same. Silly, isn't it? 

The real conundrum is that humans have a real annoying way of being insatiable. Even if we get to this unattainable state of "perfection", we wouldn't even enjoy it because we would be inventing some other flaw to get obsessed with. Obsessions are not healthy in any form. Don't kid yourself. 

Being humble is about being satisfied with your life, being grateful for it regardless if it matches up to other peoples "standards". Being humble to me means there are no standards. Your life is perfect because it is yours alone and being happy with that is a gift. 

Up in the air

Sometimes I become overwhelmed with emotions at inappropriate times. Random things trigger memories and they pull those familiar feeling out of me. I'm sure you've felt that way at some point. The best way I can describe it is a black wave that creeps up behind and crashes over me like a hurricane. I used to believe that this was a curse, that I was a slave to my emotions. I felt that my baggage was a tumor that was slowing dragging me down, slowing me with every moment. I truly feel lately that this no longer is true. I now revel in my soul connection and my deep intuitive nature. It is my most benevolent, innate trait. How ironic the things we think handicap us can in turn define us purely. I have always felt like I feel too much, that things effect me much deeper than most. Many times, I have longed to rid myself of such deep emotional ties. I felt it pushed people away from me. But anymore, I am immensely grateful and I find it virtuous the way I feel. I always felt that many people do not  experience the things I do. That no one can grasp the world how I do. But now I realize, that is wrong and furthermore stupid. How could anyone know that? I'm not different. I'm not special. And even if I was, how could the magnitude of my emotions be measured? It can't. How can anyone feel anything anyone else does or even know what or how they feel? You can't. Everything you feel is yours alone. It is something sacred and it's interlaced in your biological makeup. They say that things you think and feel imprint your DNA which is passed on to your offspring. I can only hope that good things will be gifted to my spawn.