Black Bean, Avocado and Cherry Tomato Salad

I love light, flavorful untraditional salads like this. I totally dig this salad because it's super simple and really hits the spot. I happened to have had a surplus of black beans on hand and I didn't have the foggiest notion what to do with them. I decided I wanted a light salad but I really don't care for corn, which most of the black bean recipes had in them that I found. I found a few recipes I liked and kind of made my own with the things I had on hand. You could definitely play around with this recipe. I think adding sweet potato, sunflower seeds, some kind of green leafy veggie like spinach or kale would all work nicely here too but, I didn't have any of those on hand. You could also use goat cheese or omit the cheese completely to make his vegan. Enjoy! 

Ingredients:

15 oz of black beans [I bought dry beans and soaked them in water over night but a can would do]

1 avocado, chopped 

1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

1/3 cup feta cheese

Dressing:

1/4 cup olive oil 

1 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice

2 tbsp parsley [I used dry]

3-4 cloves of garlic

Pinch of red pepper flake 

Salt and pepper to taste 

In a bowl combine black beans, avocado, tomato and feta. In a food processor, purée all ingredients for dressing until desired consistency is achieved. Pour dressing over salad and serve. Makes approximately 4-5 servings but, I just eat it out of the bowl until I'm full. Refrigerate leftovers. 

A Real Fuck.

Go now, be bold. Be brave. It's time to purge all that we consider bitter and jaded. It's too easy. We cheapen our emotions away at any opportune occasion and for what? Only to spatter some venomous insecure words for a temporary release that gets us nowhere better? Just like the anger you invoke, it is completely fleeting and never a solution. It's time to stop withholding things out of fear. Arm yourself with the knowledge that taking offense is a choice and you can easily do something positive with that feeling, like forgive that person for having a bad day, month, year, lifetime- EVEN IF THEY DON'T DESERVE IT [cause guess what? they probably don't]. Stop saying you're sorry because- are you really- or are you just glad it didn't happen to you? Are you sorry because you feel bad for someone or feed off of tragedy? Guess what? None of those things actually show sympathy in the slightest so stop saying you're sorry. You're not. Stop saying you understand. There is no feasible way to feel the same things, in the same moment, in the same mind, body and soul of another human. You can only go on what you have experienced and try to relate as best you can. In all reality there are many things you will never understand and you should be thankful for that. Stop with the insincere pleasantries because that's what you think you're "supposed to say" or what you think you "should do" because it's what "everyone does". Fuck that. Fuck what everyone else does. It's cold and generic and truly does no good and causes no comfort. What happened to being real? Why is everything so fake, scripted and rehearsed? Are we that far away from connecting with others that we cannot wrap our heads around actually giving a fuck? And I mean giving a real fuck, not a half-ass wishy washy fuck- A REAL FUCK! Fuck, man! I refuse to accept that being authentic and genuine is a lost art. My personal issue is- I honestly empathize with people far too much and it bothers me. It takes something out of me, drains me. What is even more frustrating is- I can't fathom why others can't do it. It's almost always this fake, self servicing, surface bullshit to be "polite" and not cause a rift. I'm here to tell you that it is causing a goddamn hurricane. If you don't like someone, you know what, that's okay. You don't have to. You also don't have to go out of your way to be a dick or give in to your anger. I challenge you to ask yourself "why"?  Because if it's that she draws her eyebrows on crooked or because her tattoos suck, that is not a valid reason, you catty bitches. Don't be a dick and definitely don't be so damn petty. WHO CARES?! Why do you care!? What about them actually pisses you off? It's probably something within that YOU don't like being reflected back. Sometimes that glare in the mirror can be overwhelmingly blind, can't it? Yeah- I went there and I'm not sorry. If you have a valid reason for disliking someone, like they want to hire a hit man to kill you [which actually happened to me a few years ago in Vegas over some serious BULLSHIT, but I digress and that's a whole other boring ass blog entirely], they murdered your family or they ate your dog and your homework simultaneously, well, shit... those are valid reasons to harbor an abhorrence. Petty distaste because someone hooked up with your significant other before you knew them, has the same hair style as you [you don't own a hairstyle or an aesthetic fashion sense, twats] or hustled some dude into being their meal ticket sans love or attraction, is not even remotely worth getting your panties in a bunch. Lose the over sense of entitlement. The world and no one in it owes you shit, ever. Just because you were irresponsible and procreated doesn't mean the world or the government owes you something and it also doesn't mean that's all you're capable of. It doesn't mean you have the right to be a sanctimonious cunt either. Stop doing things only to be reciprocated. That's not how it works, idiots! You might as well not do anything if that's your motivation. That is just plain selfish. Give and never expect anything in return. Love is not about infatuation, possession or lust. Those are intermittent feelings that give you a rush but will never stand the test of time. They are fleeting. Love is not owning someone or controlling them. It should set you both free and better both parties- otherwise what is the point? You can love someone who is not good for you. I've done it and you probably have too. The difference between being an adolescent and an adult is knowing when to walk away from toxic relationships. Never feel sorry for yourself because no one else will. If you try to fish for pity or sympathy, you are the scum of the earth. That's pathetic. Have some mother fucking dignity! Turn the pain into something you can use. Every breath you take is a gift. If you can't see it that way, you don't deserve to take it. There is always time to start over and renew your spirit. The most grueling occurrences I've endured have been followed by the most intense joy and triumph I've ever experienced. Why? Because I survived, I reveled beyond all the sorrow and the excruciating pain of losing the most important things in my life. I never feel like I am anything less or more than anyone else, just different. I am completely thankful for the horrible things I've gone through because they elevate me to a new state of consciousness and have given me an armor and an edge none can replicate out of my own strife. It's like a cadence all my own, a battle cry that haunts every face I look into. No one likes a self loathing cry baby. There has to be a balance, there has to be something you take from each heartbreak you are dealt. Lift yourself up and lift those around you up with grace and beauty unparalleled. Show the world what you are made of by becoming a force to be reckoned with, rain or shine. Shed your judgement because in the end it almost always comes from displacing your own discontent with yourself. Become the very definition of humble. Become humbled by every fucking moment of your life. Stop competing with everyone because it only separates and estranges us. What does being better at things do for you? Does it make you feel good to be isolated and alone after desecrating anyone who stands in your way? How can you enjoy that really? You don't need to prove anything to anyone except yourself. Accept yourself. You don't need to make more money because the more you make, the more you consume. In the end- you don't gain shit and you sure the fuck won't obtain happiness. I spent years trying to prove myself to everyone- to be prettier, skinnier, more successful, make more money, have nicer things, conquer hotter guys, etc.. but for what? What did I gain? I achieved all those things and I was utterly miserable. I was just trying to find frivolous ways to satiate a hunger that could never feed on such empty and malnourished "calories". I depleted the joy I sought while on the very path I set out on to find it. How ironic. Doing things to gain validation or envy from others is a sick sad sob story. The only person you should try to get one up on is your former self. We are all good and bad at certain things, some by genetics, some by will. We all have our own insecurities and issues to work on yet, we all have gifts to share with this world and with others. Focus and enhance on what you have control over and accept what you can't. Stop trying so damn hard for anyone but yourself. Once we detoxify ourselves of these malignant tumors we aggravate and are faced with, we can repave the path to wholeness and unifying ourselves with all of humanity. We've lost our way but we can realign. It comes down the the ability to be a good person. I feel we all have that but we have run away from being nurturing, benevolent and kind because of the thirst for power, greed and corruption. Remember that we are all human, we all are born and die the same way- alone. What we do in-between is somewhat futile if we are struggling against each other and losing ourselves to this schism. Look at your enemy and let them teach you everything about love. 

Day 14- words

As a fan of our language, as well as the written word, I can honestly say that our vocabulary is not used nearly as much as  it should be. It's disenchanting. I'm currently reading a book called 'The Biology of Trancendence' and it says that in 1950 high school students had a working vocabulary average of about 25,000 words. Today the level is 10,000! That enrages me immensely. We definitely should not be regressing on our language to less than half of what it was 60 years ago. That's disgraceful and pitiful. It baffles me the reasons why that may be so. Maybe I'm just different. When I was younger I remember I used to just look up words for the fun of it and try to integrate them into my vocabulary. I guess I'm biased. I love to write. I've always had a pretty sizable way with words as far back as I can recall. I'm much better writing down things I think and feel than saying them in person, usually. Perhaps the cathartic afterglow that ensues is why I write. It is a talent I would like to revamp, hence why I created this blog. I just adore the myriad of options we have to explain ourselves. Words are free and we ought to broaden our usage of them as to keep our language alive.

Day 12- sarcasm

I thrive off the art of sarcasm. It's a great way to blow off steam and I love people who have a good sense of humor. Nothing is more attractive. If you can't make fun of yourself or take a joke, you take yourself and your life way too serious. I suggest to promptly remove your head out of your ass. 

Day 11- compassion

I think that people who have been through an enormous amount of tragedy have a certain clairvoyance to others pain. They can feel others pain almost. I have tried to reject my own empathy over the years but it's something I cannot deny. I always try to put myself in others peoples shoes. Everyone has a fight to bare. Everyone has their own battles. I think the world would be an infinitely better place if we could put our own egos aside and try to show a little compassion for others once in a while. 

Day 10- individuality

I have always been somewhat of a loner. An outsider. A weirdo. It took me a long time to embrace it. We are taught at a young age to be like everyone else. To follow. To fit in. I never have. Now I know I never will and I never want to. Be yourself. Like what you want. Make no substitutes. Make no exceptions. Do you own thing. March to your own drum. Do what you love but always do it for yourself. 

Day 8- baking

It sounds silly but when I'm in a bad mood I like to bake. For some reason it calms me and it's quite therapeutic. Plus, who doesn't love the smell of something delicious in the oven?! I like to come up with my own recipes and play around with different ingredients. Speaking of- I think in gonna whip something up right now! 

Day 7- forgiveness

Forgiveness is something that I used to rebel against when I was younger. I held grudges against anyone, for anything. I was such an angry teen and I cannot say I don't still struggle with my rage because I do. But really why does holding a grudge do for anyone? Does it make the situation better? No. All it does is make you hang on to anger longer than is beneficial to you. It takes a bigger person to forgive- even when that person doesn't deserve it or even if you weren't in the wrong. What happens is a rift in consciousness. Not only do you forgive someone but most importantly you forgive yourself. You free yourself. You liberate yourself from suffering unnecessarily. I never thought something so simple could bring such a shift in perspective. I have tried to forgive and make amends with everyone I ever have been at odds with, even if not verbally. I don't care to hang on to hate anymore as it never served me well and never served anyone well. I really think it's about growing up and focusing about the things that matter and letting go of everything else.

Day 6- my boyfriend

It's been a long, rough day. Traveling back from New Orleans was less than pleasant and I had a few other things that were disappointing but I want to end this day positive so I'm going to find some light.

My boyfriend is such a blessing. He has been through quite a bit and he has had unfortunate things to deal with. He has been a saint to me, even if it took plenty of time to get to the place we are at now. Sometimes wonderful things come from the most unexpected interactions. 

I remember the first time I met him, at a bowling alley in a casino in Vegas. I saw him and I said "damn, who is that?!" Tall,  dark and handsome. I think my heart fluttered. So gay! Anyway, that was history and we've practically been inseparable since. We've been through a lot. Like most couples, it either makes or breaks you. Luckily, it has brought is much closer and we're much stronger. 

He is the type of person everyone should be like. He is kind, thankful and selfless. He has done everything for me. I remember one of the first things he did for me was drive me to cracker barrell when we still lived in Las Vegas which was 2 hours away. It's the little things that matter most. 

He's successful as an EMT, he's saved many lives. He's a hero. He's the smartest person I know [literally he's like a walking dictionary]. He is the most attractive man I've ever dated. He's creative, has excellent taste and is not afraid to be silly with me. He tolerates me when I'm cranky and tries to understand me [even though I'm like a rubix cube]. He has redefined himself and opened himself to new avenues. He always strives to be a better person.  I can honestly say I wouldn't know what to do without him. He is truly the light of my life. 

We've had our struggles but I refuse to let those shortcomings do anything but be a lesson and bring us closer. I'm so grateful for him, it makes me teary eyed to think how I got so lucky. If you have someone like this in your life, always let them know. Some people spend lifetimes trying to find something as profound and genuine as what I have with him. I love you, Spencer. 

Day 2- embarrassment

Almost missed day 2 but I made it by a nose! Today I pay homage to the lovely ability to be embarrassed. Yes, you read that right! We as humans are so afraid to fail. We are so unrelenting with ourselves that we crucify ourselves when we stumble. The thing is that's the very essense of existence. Fucking up. Embrace it. It's really a virtue.

One month of gratitude- Day 1.

In the spirit of thanksgiving- I'm going to do 30 days of gratitude but I'm going to step it up a bit and not list anything material. So many people get wrapped up in bullshit material possessions and it pisses me off. You are not your fucking khakis. You don't need possessions. Having a big house or nice car doesn't make a fuckall of difference in your quality of life. By getting wrapped up in bulllshit materials you lose sight of more meaningful things and a more enriched life. Thinking your wealth merits any kind of happiness or status is exactly why our country is in the state it is. Greed is evil and as long as it exists people will step on those less fortunate to perpetuate their own agenda. If you have a roof over your head and food to eat, I'd say you're doing fairly well. 

So, for my day one of gratitude I would like to honor humility. It's been a long road for me to learn the art of being humble. I think it's a lesson many could benefit from if they'd just take a step back and re-evaluate their life. It's about the very nature of giving thanks. 

Think about all the times in your life that you've been boastful or ego-centric. Did it actually make you feel good? Or were you just tooting your own horn to mask your own insecurity? I don't know how we've come to a time where everything is a competition. A time where we have to be fitter, prettier, more successful than the next person. What is the point of all this? Sometimes I think perhaps it's to be unique, to stand apart or stand out from others. But really it seems to me that if everyone is trying to do that, maybe you're all just the same. Silly, isn't it? 

The real conundrum is that humans have a real annoying way of being insatiable. Even if we get to this unattainable state of "perfection", we wouldn't even enjoy it because we would be inventing some other flaw to get obsessed with. Obsessions are not healthy in any form. Don't kid yourself. 

Being humble is about being satisfied with your life, being grateful for it regardless if it matches up to other peoples "standards". Being humble to me means there are no standards. Your life is perfect because it is yours alone and being happy with that is a gift. 

Taking offense

It's a perplexing thing the 'art' of taking offense of things and taking things personally. I won't lie and say that I haven't struggled with it myself. If you think about it though, it's really a choice. Taking offense to something isn't someone else's doing- it's yours. Therefore if you get offended by things then it is a choice. Why give something negative power? Why choose to take offense? To me, thats only letting someone get the best of you. 

Passion is something that some exhibit and some do not. I understand that passion can fuel an exuberance behind taking offense or taking something personal. I get that. But what I don't get it why we choose to do this when we could just as easily choose not to? And furthermore, how do we do this? I guess it's depends on the nature of the subject. 

People who project anger onto others to get a reaction and pure ignorance are two entirely different stances on this. Having an adult debate is ideal yet some people also feel the need to bully or belittle others, especially online these days, where people hide behind technology and grow 'faux balls'. No one likes an internet tough guy and to me trolling internet to start shit or flame someone is infantile. Standing up for yourself is one thing but then again even acknowledging bullshit like that still gives then power. 

I guess the best advice I can give, and by no means am I an expert, is to ignore. It's something that was a monumental  lesson for me. Humans seem too quick to get wrapped up in emotion and respond quickly when provoked. I find that when someone is trying to mess with me, it's easier to just ignore them. I refuse to justify people who are negative and trying to get a reaction from me. It just doesn't happen. Besides, a lovely side to this is how angry people get when you don't. It's kind of humorous. Some people just feed off of pushing buttons and I just won't play that game. I think I'm just too old for it anymore, I feel it's immature. 

I jut don't know why people can't have an adult conversation and instead choose to verbally abusing someone because you're unhappy with yourself. Some people are just nasty people and it  is pathetic. Don't allow them the power to offend you. Let that's shit roll right off you. Seriously, try it. It makes such a huge difference for me. 

Up in the air

Sometimes I become overwhelmed with emotions at inappropriate times. Random things trigger memories and they pull those familiar feeling out of me. I'm sure you've felt that way at some point. The best way I can describe it is a black wave that creeps up behind and crashes over me like a hurricane. I used to believe that this was a curse, that I was a slave to my emotions. I felt that my baggage was a tumor that was slowing dragging me down, slowing me with every moment. I truly feel lately that this no longer is true. I now revel in my soul connection and my deep intuitive nature. It is my most benevolent, innate trait. How ironic the things we think handicap us can in turn define us purely. I have always felt like I feel too much, that things effect me much deeper than most. Many times, I have longed to rid myself of such deep emotional ties. I felt it pushed people away from me. But anymore, I am immensely grateful and I find it virtuous the way I feel. I always felt that many people do not  experience the things I do. That no one can grasp the world how I do. But now I realize, that is wrong and furthermore stupid. How could anyone know that? I'm not different. I'm not special. And even if I was, how could the magnitude of my emotions be measured? It can't. How can anyone feel anything anyone else does or even know what or how they feel? You can't. Everything you feel is yours alone. It is something sacred and it's interlaced in your biological makeup. They say that things you think and feel imprint your DNA which is passed on to your offspring. I can only hope that good things will be gifted to my spawn. 

Sugar and gluten free Pumpkin Loaf!

I don't know about y'all but I LOVE pumpkin anything. Now that it's October, I've been incorporating lots of pumpkin flavored goodness into my diet. This is my second time making this yummy pumpkin loaf in a week! It's delicious, moist and won't kill your diet if you're watching your weight etc [its only about 100 calories per slice, this makes 8 servings]. I'm sure you could make this with regular sugar and milk if you wanna make it a bit more rich, I may make a version like that for my boyfriend! Enjoy!

RECIPE

Sugar & Gluten-free Pumpkin Loaf

Preheat over to 375 degrees. 

Spray 9 x 5 loaf pan with coconut oil spray.

DRY ingredients:

1/2 cup gluten free oat flour

2 tbsp organic coconut sugar

1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice

1 tbsp cinnamon

1 tbsp stevia 

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp sea salt

WET ingredients

1/2 cup organic canned pumpkin [NOTE: do not confuse this with canned pumpkin 'pie'- it's loaded with sugar]

2 eggs

1/4 cup pitted dates chopped

2 tbsp vanilla almond milk 

1 tbsp melted coconut oil 

1 tbsp organic maple syrup

1/2 tsp organic vanilla extract 

Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. Smash the dates with a fork. Then mix those with all remaining wet ingredients in separate bowl. Then slowly add wet mixture to dry mixture and combine well. Pour mixture into baking dish and bake for 35 minutes or until brown.