Day 6- my boyfriend

It's been a long, rough day. Traveling back from New Orleans was less than pleasant and I had a few other things that were disappointing but I want to end this day positive so I'm going to find some light.

My boyfriend is such a blessing. He has been through quite a bit and he has had unfortunate things to deal with. He has been a saint to me, even if it took plenty of time to get to the place we are at now. Sometimes wonderful things come from the most unexpected interactions. 

I remember the first time I met him, at a bowling alley in a casino in Vegas. I saw him and I said "damn, who is that?!" Tall,  dark and handsome. I think my heart fluttered. So gay! Anyway, that was history and we've practically been inseparable since. We've been through a lot. Like most couples, it either makes or breaks you. Luckily, it has brought is much closer and we're much stronger. 

He is the type of person everyone should be like. He is kind, thankful and selfless. He has done everything for me. I remember one of the first things he did for me was drive me to cracker barrell when we still lived in Las Vegas which was 2 hours away. It's the little things that matter most. 

He's successful as an EMT, he's saved many lives. He's a hero. He's the smartest person I know [literally he's like a walking dictionary]. He is the most attractive man I've ever dated. He's creative, has excellent taste and is not afraid to be silly with me. He tolerates me when I'm cranky and tries to understand me [even though I'm like a rubix cube]. He has redefined himself and opened himself to new avenues. He always strives to be a better person.  I can honestly say I wouldn't know what to do without him. He is truly the light of my life. 

We've had our struggles but I refuse to let those shortcomings do anything but be a lesson and bring us closer. I'm so grateful for him, it makes me teary eyed to think how I got so lucky. If you have someone like this in your life, always let them know. Some people spend lifetimes trying to find something as profound and genuine as what I have with him. I love you, Spencer. 

The best way to start anew is to fail miserably...

I've been wanting to start a new blog for some time. I have been through a proverbial shit storm of things this year and I would be lying if I said that I haven't struggled and changed in almost every way imaginable. My intention with this is to face these demons head on. Many people try to appear a certain way and relish the illusion of their "normalcy", whatever the hell that is. Perhaps I have been one of these people in the past but not now. 'Without struggle there is no progress' Frederick Douglass said. I couldn't agree more. Pain makes you interesting. I do not care to follow trends or what other people consider normal. I have banished that word from my vocabulary long ago.

I guess I should start by saying a few things about myself [barf]. My name is Sara. I  have lived in Austin, Texas for a little over a year now. I grew up in Kentucky in a small town where they make Wild Turkey bourbon. But do these things matter? Not really. I always find it interesting that people describe themselves in a list fashion with meaningless things like that. I find it even more peculiar those who don't know what to describe them self as or have absolutely nothing interesting to say about them self. Maybe it just seems so boring to me or maybe I long for that simplicity within myself. Who knows. All I know is that if you ask anyone they would agree that I am anything but ordinary. Yet, really, I completely am. I am just a human trying desperately to achieve a comfortable lifestyle and find personal zen. I believe this is a lifelong battle for each and every one of us.

I truly enjoy writing. As a child, I used to win creative writing contests frequently. I am not one to boast and I have an utter distaste for those who are overly boastful, but I do know one of the things I have always been decent at is writing. I have a way with words, my way ;). It's weird, I have a hard time connecting with people face to face. My social anxiety literally borders agoraphobia. Over thinking is a demon I struggle with every day. Don't ask me why. It's silly really. I wonder if I just don't know how to relate to people or perhaps I don't want to? Meh. I just don't trust people. I have been in so many unnecessarily awkward situations through the years, I guess I just withdrew myself. As sassy and dramatic as I have been in the past, I really loathe confrontation. It makes my fucking skin crawl. I guess I just wish people would be more kind to others. I was bullied as a adolescent pretty badly, almost to the point where I dropped out of high school as a freshman. Self conscious insecurity was my biggest foe at that point. I was a goddamn doormat. I let everyone walk all over me. So, maybe it stems from that [it probably does]. What I am trying to say [badly] is that I am much better on paper with expressing myself. It gives it a dimension that makes it come alive for me. Plus, it's much easier for me to collect my racing thoughts if I have a format to look at and edit. Sue me.

My objectives with this blog are to grow as a person and confront some of my issues. If I happen to help someone else along the way, even better. Lately, I have really been trying to purge my judgement and realize we are all connected in some way. Thinking we aren't is silly. I am trying to rid myself of my internal rage and really learn to love others as well as myself. I have spend so much time hating everything and rejecting a world that I am inherently a part of, whether I chose to see that or not. Now is the time to accept it. I want to embrace this reality I am part of and focus much more on the present and reveling in the miracle of each passing moment for what it is- a gift. Join me.

Below is an image of an artist who I truly feel "gets" it, Alex Grey. He is an inspiration.