Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity

Yesterday a friend here in Austin, who also transplanted from Las Vegas like me,  invited  me to hang out with 2 other people visiting from Las Vegas. I was stoked until my friend stated that one of the people had a problem with me. She said I "talked shit" about her a few years ago. Funny thing is, it was a huge misunderstanding. Said person had been told that I said something about her on Facebook , even though it was someone else on my feed. I had already apologized to this person a week after yet, they chose not to remember that. They chose to hold a grudge. Like I said- this was 2 YEARS ago! My thought is - get the fuck over it. Not only did I apologize for something I didn't do-they conveniently forgot all about that and still was hanging on to their anger and offense. I just don't understand. Maybe I am just a completely different person now, or maybe everyone in Las Vegas is childish and can't let go of bullshit simply for the fact they WANT  to take offense but either way- I was amused. Why people hang on to shit is beyond me and to me its sad. Who the fuck cares what I may or may not have said about you YEARS AGO?!?! I don't even think about things like that because they don't matter. Its just not at all worth investing energy into. Let go of taking things personally just for the sake of taking offense. Stop embracing your ego and clutching to victimizing yourself. An adult and progressive individual will let go and forgive petty mishaps. Thats just my $0.02.

Black Bean, Avocado and Cherry Tomato Salad

I love light, flavorful untraditional salads like this. I totally dig this salad because it's super simple and really hits the spot. I happened to have had a surplus of black beans on hand and I didn't have the foggiest notion what to do with them. I decided I wanted a light salad but I really don't care for corn, which most of the black bean recipes had in them that I found. I found a few recipes I liked and kind of made my own with the things I had on hand. You could definitely play around with this recipe. I think adding sweet potato, sunflower seeds, some kind of green leafy veggie like spinach or kale would all work nicely here too but, I didn't have any of those on hand. You could also use goat cheese or omit the cheese completely to make his vegan. Enjoy! 

Ingredients:

15 oz of black beans [I bought dry beans and soaked them in water over night but a can would do]

1 avocado, chopped 

1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

1/3 cup feta cheese

Dressing:

1/4 cup olive oil 

1 tbsp fresh squeezed lemon juice

2 tbsp parsley [I used dry]

3-4 cloves of garlic

Pinch of red pepper flake 

Salt and pepper to taste 

In a bowl combine black beans, avocado, tomato and feta. In a food processor, purée all ingredients for dressing until desired consistency is achieved. Pour dressing over salad and serve. Makes approximately 4-5 servings but, I just eat it out of the bowl until I'm full. Refrigerate leftovers. 

A Real Fuck.

Go now, be bold. Be brave. It's time to purge all that we consider bitter and jaded. It's too easy. We cheapen our emotions away at any opportune occasion and for what? Only to spatter some venomous insecure words for a temporary release that gets us nowhere better? Just like the anger you invoke, it is completely fleeting and never a solution. It's time to stop withholding things out of fear. Arm yourself with the knowledge that taking offense is a choice and you can easily do something positive with that feeling, like forgive that person for having a bad day, month, year, lifetime- EVEN IF THEY DON'T DESERVE IT [cause guess what? they probably don't]. Stop saying you're sorry because- are you really- or are you just glad it didn't happen to you? Are you sorry because you feel bad for someone or feed off of tragedy? Guess what? None of those things actually show sympathy in the slightest so stop saying you're sorry. You're not. Stop saying you understand. There is no feasible way to feel the same things, in the same moment, in the same mind, body and soul of another human. You can only go on what you have experienced and try to relate as best you can. In all reality there are many things you will never understand and you should be thankful for that. Stop with the insincere pleasantries because that's what you think you're "supposed to say" or what you think you "should do" because it's what "everyone does". Fuck that. Fuck what everyone else does. It's cold and generic and truly does no good and causes no comfort. What happened to being real? Why is everything so fake, scripted and rehearsed? Are we that far away from connecting with others that we cannot wrap our heads around actually giving a fuck? And I mean giving a real fuck, not a half-ass wishy washy fuck- A REAL FUCK! Fuck, man! I refuse to accept that being authentic and genuine is a lost art. My personal issue is- I honestly empathize with people far too much and it bothers me. It takes something out of me, drains me. What is even more frustrating is- I can't fathom why others can't do it. It's almost always this fake, self servicing, surface bullshit to be "polite" and not cause a rift. I'm here to tell you that it is causing a goddamn hurricane. If you don't like someone, you know what, that's okay. You don't have to. You also don't have to go out of your way to be a dick or give in to your anger. I challenge you to ask yourself "why"?  Because if it's that she draws her eyebrows on crooked or because her tattoos suck, that is not a valid reason, you catty bitches. Don't be a dick and definitely don't be so damn petty. WHO CARES?! Why do you care!? What about them actually pisses you off? It's probably something within that YOU don't like being reflected back. Sometimes that glare in the mirror can be overwhelmingly blind, can't it? Yeah- I went there and I'm not sorry. If you have a valid reason for disliking someone, like they want to hire a hit man to kill you [which actually happened to me a few years ago in Vegas over some serious BULLSHIT, but I digress and that's a whole other boring ass blog entirely], they murdered your family or they ate your dog and your homework simultaneously, well, shit... those are valid reasons to harbor an abhorrence. Petty distaste because someone hooked up with your significant other before you knew them, has the same hair style as you [you don't own a hairstyle or an aesthetic fashion sense, twats] or hustled some dude into being their meal ticket sans love or attraction, is not even remotely worth getting your panties in a bunch. Lose the over sense of entitlement. The world and no one in it owes you shit, ever. Just because you were irresponsible and procreated doesn't mean the world or the government owes you something and it also doesn't mean that's all you're capable of. It doesn't mean you have the right to be a sanctimonious cunt either. Stop doing things only to be reciprocated. That's not how it works, idiots! You might as well not do anything if that's your motivation. That is just plain selfish. Give and never expect anything in return. Love is not about infatuation, possession or lust. Those are intermittent feelings that give you a rush but will never stand the test of time. They are fleeting. Love is not owning someone or controlling them. It should set you both free and better both parties- otherwise what is the point? You can love someone who is not good for you. I've done it and you probably have too. The difference between being an adolescent and an adult is knowing when to walk away from toxic relationships. Never feel sorry for yourself because no one else will. If you try to fish for pity or sympathy, you are the scum of the earth. That's pathetic. Have some mother fucking dignity! Turn the pain into something you can use. Every breath you take is a gift. If you can't see it that way, you don't deserve to take it. There is always time to start over and renew your spirit. The most grueling occurrences I've endured have been followed by the most intense joy and triumph I've ever experienced. Why? Because I survived, I reveled beyond all the sorrow and the excruciating pain of losing the most important things in my life. I never feel like I am anything less or more than anyone else, just different. I am completely thankful for the horrible things I've gone through because they elevate me to a new state of consciousness and have given me an armor and an edge none can replicate out of my own strife. It's like a cadence all my own, a battle cry that haunts every face I look into. No one likes a self loathing cry baby. There has to be a balance, there has to be something you take from each heartbreak you are dealt. Lift yourself up and lift those around you up with grace and beauty unparalleled. Show the world what you are made of by becoming a force to be reckoned with, rain or shine. Shed your judgement because in the end it almost always comes from displacing your own discontent with yourself. Become the very definition of humble. Become humbled by every fucking moment of your life. Stop competing with everyone because it only separates and estranges us. What does being better at things do for you? Does it make you feel good to be isolated and alone after desecrating anyone who stands in your way? How can you enjoy that really? You don't need to prove anything to anyone except yourself. Accept yourself. You don't need to make more money because the more you make, the more you consume. In the end- you don't gain shit and you sure the fuck won't obtain happiness. I spent years trying to prove myself to everyone- to be prettier, skinnier, more successful, make more money, have nicer things, conquer hotter guys, etc.. but for what? What did I gain? I achieved all those things and I was utterly miserable. I was just trying to find frivolous ways to satiate a hunger that could never feed on such empty and malnourished "calories". I depleted the joy I sought while on the very path I set out on to find it. How ironic. Doing things to gain validation or envy from others is a sick sad sob story. The only person you should try to get one up on is your former self. We are all good and bad at certain things, some by genetics, some by will. We all have our own insecurities and issues to work on yet, we all have gifts to share with this world and with others. Focus and enhance on what you have control over and accept what you can't. Stop trying so damn hard for anyone but yourself. Once we detoxify ourselves of these malignant tumors we aggravate and are faced with, we can repave the path to wholeness and unifying ourselves with all of humanity. We've lost our way but we can realign. It comes down the the ability to be a good person. I feel we all have that but we have run away from being nurturing, benevolent and kind because of the thirst for power, greed and corruption. Remember that we are all human, we all are born and die the same way- alone. What we do in-between is somewhat futile if we are struggling against each other and losing ourselves to this schism. Look at your enemy and let them teach you everything about love. 

Reaching out, reaching up.

Lately I've been dedicating myself to find inner peace. I've been really pushing myself mentally and physically with my yoga practice as well as trying to control my thoughts. Just like anything, these things take ample practice and sincere focus. I've always struggled to find inner peace. I have many wars internally with myself, my past, my adversities. We all do. I do feel it takes a strong person to control their thoughts and to have power over how they think and what comes into their mind. I've had a weak mind and even weaker will for many years. I would say I'm trying to be more positive but it really irritates me people who claim to be all about positivity and PMA. To me, its unrealistic. There is an intrinsic balance to life, no good without bad. So how can you accurately measure your one sided ' positivity' without equating it with something equally as negative? If you've never been though much or anything difficult, how happy can you really be if you've never had anything bad to compare it to? I feel that people who have really struggled in life relish the taste of pure joy much sweeter than those who have had a cake walk life [see what I did there?]. Take solace in that if you've ever felt with something tragic. I do. So, for me control is about balance. It's about realistic intentions. I don't daydream about a perfect life. I make it happen. I don't strive for happiness one day, I achieve contentment now. Where I am now, is exactly where I should be and I am grateful for every breathe I take, knowing it could easily be my last. I'll never grasp people that have constant unfulfilled objectives. Now is the time. Go out there and do the things you want to do. Don't settle and wrap yourself in complacency. That's too easy. You can never keep doing the same things and expect any change to come. You must make it happen. Initiative is everything. Things don't fall in your lap. Intend to expand and progress with every fiber of your soul.

Can't buy me love

It's always been hard for me to relate to people who have had an easy or privileged life. Perhaps it's because I was made fun of as a youth for wearing hand me downs and not being able to take fancy vacations, etc. Now don't get me wrong, I had plenty, just never anything in excess. Obviously now I am extremely grateful that I wasn't spoiled, for if I had been, I do feel like I would be an unappreciative possession focused asshole. The thing is, I don't understand people who claim to be humble yet parade their wealth or material things around for approval. It's bogus. Don't be hypocritical. Have integrity with yourself. It's so easy to spew insincere ideals around about loving a harmonious, spiritual life as a lot of people I know say. Living them is a whole other thing. The luxuries of life can be taken from you at any point. They are utterly meaningless in the long run. Sure, people like nice things here and there. I can especially appreciate nice things being that I never really had them as an adolescence. But, lately, every time I want something material I look deep within to ask myself- "do I really need this?" The answer usually is a resounding 'no'. The truth is- I have everything I need. That's probably why I have such an abhorrence for Christmas. It's so acutely focused on materials. Although I gather wanting to buy things for people you love, I really just reject the whole idea of it. I don't buy into overly commercialized Hallmark holidays. Greed and competition are the cornerstone of this countries demise. The desire to have more than others separates us. We feel the need to prove ourselves with wealth and privilege, never noticing how vapid and sad these things project our intentions. I'd much rather make something as a gift than cheapen a relationship with something anyone could give. It just seems so thoughtless and lazy to me. Some of the most unhappy and miserable people I know try to convince themselves they are happy with their lavish possessions but they aren't fooling me or anyone really. Invest yourself into tangible and rewarding avenues. Elevate your heart and soul into honorable paths and you will be the richest person in the world.

Vegan African stew

It's freezing here in Austin. It's about 31 degrees and freezing rain. I was really craving something warm and satisfying. This stew hit the spot and was very flavorful. High in antioxidants,  vitamin A, Vitamin C, iron, folate, protein. It's gluten, grain, meat and dairy free.  It's also low is sodium and fat as well as being an alkalizing meal. Eating alkalized foods is important because having an overall acidic ph makes you susceptible to diseases, infections etc. most cancers thrive in an overly acidic environment.  

Ingredients [I used all organic]

-2 cans crushed tomatoes [salt free is possible]

-1 can chickpeas

-1 white onion, diced

-2 cloves of garlic, minced or pressed 

-2 cups of water 

-1 sweet potato, cubed

-1 eggplant, cubed 

-2 cups baby spinach

- handful of raw peanuts or cashews

-1 tsp coriander

-1 tsp ginger

-1 tsp cumin

- olive oil 

-salt and pepper to taste

In a large pot, heat up some olive oil and then add onion and brown for about 4-5 minutes. Then add garlic to onion and brown for 1 more minute. Stir in coriander, ginger and cumin. Then stir in crushed tomatoes and chickpeas until combined. Add water, eggplant, sweet potato and peanuts. Bring to a simmer then let reduce over low heat until consistency is stew like. Once satisfied, stir in baby spinach and enjoy! Serves about 8. 

Day 30- simplicity

Last day in 30 day of gratitude. I really enjoyed doing this. Today I want to pay my respect to simplicity. It's amazing how complicated we can make our lives and day to day situations. And why? Where does it get us? No where. Everything in life is fundamentally simple. We just have to allow ourselves to be. You don't need to waste energy overreacting. I think that everyone wants the same things; happiness, health and love. Is it really that hard to obtain these things? Or are we just creating metal blocks and personal obstacles? Tell people how you feel. Stop holding back. Believe in yourself. Lift others up. Give everything you've got to something you're passionate about. That's really all there is to it. Sure, there will be hiccups. That's life. It's how you deal with things that counts.