Taking offense

It's a perplexing thing the 'art' of taking offense of things and taking things personally. I won't lie and say that I haven't struggled with it myself. If you think about it though, it's really a choice. Taking offense to something isn't someone else's doing- it's yours. Therefore if you get offended by things then it is a choice. Why give something negative power? Why choose to take offense? To me, thats only letting someone get the best of you. 

Passion is something that some exhibit and some do not. I understand that passion can fuel an exuberance behind taking offense or taking something personal. I get that. But what I don't get it why we choose to do this when we could just as easily choose not to? And furthermore, how do we do this? I guess it's depends on the nature of the subject. 

People who project anger onto others to get a reaction and pure ignorance are two entirely different stances on this. Having an adult debate is ideal yet some people also feel the need to bully or belittle others, especially online these days, where people hide behind technology and grow 'faux balls'. No one likes an internet tough guy and to me trolling internet to start shit or flame someone is infantile. Standing up for yourself is one thing but then again even acknowledging bullshit like that still gives then power. 

I guess the best advice I can give, and by no means am I an expert, is to ignore. It's something that was a monumental  lesson for me. Humans seem too quick to get wrapped up in emotion and respond quickly when provoked. I find that when someone is trying to mess with me, it's easier to just ignore them. I refuse to justify people who are negative and trying to get a reaction from me. It just doesn't happen. Besides, a lovely side to this is how angry people get when you don't. It's kind of humorous. Some people just feed off of pushing buttons and I just won't play that game. I think I'm just too old for it anymore, I feel it's immature. 

I jut don't know why people can't have an adult conversation and instead choose to verbally abusing someone because you're unhappy with yourself. Some people are just nasty people and it  is pathetic. Don't allow them the power to offend you. Let that's shit roll right off you. Seriously, try it. It makes such a huge difference for me. 

Up in the air

Sometimes I become overwhelmed with emotions at inappropriate times. Random things trigger memories and they pull those familiar feeling out of me. I'm sure you've felt that way at some point. The best way I can describe it is a black wave that creeps up behind and crashes over me like a hurricane. I used to believe that this was a curse, that I was a slave to my emotions. I felt that my baggage was a tumor that was slowing dragging me down, slowing me with every moment. I truly feel lately that this no longer is true. I now revel in my soul connection and my deep intuitive nature. It is my most benevolent, innate trait. How ironic the things we think handicap us can in turn define us purely. I have always felt like I feel too much, that things effect me much deeper than most. Many times, I have longed to rid myself of such deep emotional ties. I felt it pushed people away from me. But anymore, I am immensely grateful and I find it virtuous the way I feel. I always felt that many people do not  experience the things I do. That no one can grasp the world how I do. But now I realize, that is wrong and furthermore stupid. How could anyone know that? I'm not different. I'm not special. And even if I was, how could the magnitude of my emotions be measured? It can't. How can anyone feel anything anyone else does or even know what or how they feel? You can't. Everything you feel is yours alone. It is something sacred and it's interlaced in your biological makeup. They say that things you think and feel imprint your DNA which is passed on to your offspring. I can only hope that good things will be gifted to my spawn. 

Sugar and gluten free Pumpkin Loaf!

I don't know about y'all but I LOVE pumpkin anything. Now that it's October, I've been incorporating lots of pumpkin flavored goodness into my diet. This is my second time making this yummy pumpkin loaf in a week! It's delicious, moist and won't kill your diet if you're watching your weight etc [its only about 100 calories per slice, this makes 8 servings]. I'm sure you could make this with regular sugar and milk if you wanna make it a bit more rich, I may make a version like that for my boyfriend! Enjoy!

RECIPE

Sugar & Gluten-free Pumpkin Loaf

Preheat over to 375 degrees. 

Spray 9 x 5 loaf pan with coconut oil spray.

DRY ingredients:

1/2 cup gluten free oat flour

2 tbsp organic coconut sugar

1 tbsp pumpkin pie spice

1 tbsp cinnamon

1 tbsp stevia 

1 tsp baking powder

1/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp sea salt

WET ingredients

1/2 cup organic canned pumpkin [NOTE: do not confuse this with canned pumpkin 'pie'- it's loaded with sugar]

2 eggs

1/4 cup pitted dates chopped

2 tbsp vanilla almond milk 

1 tbsp melted coconut oil 

1 tbsp organic maple syrup

1/2 tsp organic vanilla extract 

Mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. Smash the dates with a fork. Then mix those with all remaining wet ingredients in separate bowl. Then slowly add wet mixture to dry mixture and combine well. Pour mixture into baking dish and bake for 35 minutes or until brown. 

The best way to start anew is to fail miserably...

I've been wanting to start a new blog for some time. I have been through a proverbial shit storm of things this year and I would be lying if I said that I haven't struggled and changed in almost every way imaginable. My intention with this is to face these demons head on. Many people try to appear a certain way and relish the illusion of their "normalcy", whatever the hell that is. Perhaps I have been one of these people in the past but not now. 'Without struggle there is no progress' Frederick Douglass said. I couldn't agree more. Pain makes you interesting. I do not care to follow trends or what other people consider normal. I have banished that word from my vocabulary long ago.

I guess I should start by saying a few things about myself [barf]. My name is Sara. I  have lived in Austin, Texas for a little over a year now. I grew up in Kentucky in a small town where they make Wild Turkey bourbon. But do these things matter? Not really. I always find it interesting that people describe themselves in a list fashion with meaningless things like that. I find it even more peculiar those who don't know what to describe them self as or have absolutely nothing interesting to say about them self. Maybe it just seems so boring to me or maybe I long for that simplicity within myself. Who knows. All I know is that if you ask anyone they would agree that I am anything but ordinary. Yet, really, I completely am. I am just a human trying desperately to achieve a comfortable lifestyle and find personal zen. I believe this is a lifelong battle for each and every one of us.

I truly enjoy writing. As a child, I used to win creative writing contests frequently. I am not one to boast and I have an utter distaste for those who are overly boastful, but I do know one of the things I have always been decent at is writing. I have a way with words, my way ;). It's weird, I have a hard time connecting with people face to face. My social anxiety literally borders agoraphobia. Over thinking is a demon I struggle with every day. Don't ask me why. It's silly really. I wonder if I just don't know how to relate to people or perhaps I don't want to? Meh. I just don't trust people. I have been in so many unnecessarily awkward situations through the years, I guess I just withdrew myself. As sassy and dramatic as I have been in the past, I really loathe confrontation. It makes my fucking skin crawl. I guess I just wish people would be more kind to others. I was bullied as a adolescent pretty badly, almost to the point where I dropped out of high school as a freshman. Self conscious insecurity was my biggest foe at that point. I was a goddamn doormat. I let everyone walk all over me. So, maybe it stems from that [it probably does]. What I am trying to say [badly] is that I am much better on paper with expressing myself. It gives it a dimension that makes it come alive for me. Plus, it's much easier for me to collect my racing thoughts if I have a format to look at and edit. Sue me.

My objectives with this blog are to grow as a person and confront some of my issues. If I happen to help someone else along the way, even better. Lately, I have really been trying to purge my judgement and realize we are all connected in some way. Thinking we aren't is silly. I am trying to rid myself of my internal rage and really learn to love others as well as myself. I have spend so much time hating everything and rejecting a world that I am inherently a part of, whether I chose to see that or not. Now is the time to accept it. I want to embrace this reality I am part of and focus much more on the present and reveling in the miracle of each passing moment for what it is- a gift. Join me.

Below is an image of an artist who I truly feel "gets" it, Alex Grey. He is an inspiration.