Day 5- hope

There was a point in time where I had no hope. There have been many tragedies life has delt me that I almost let ruin me. It's funny how things can change. I have discovered that the curve balls life throws at you are all tests. You can either choose to be defeated or you can choose to get up above all adversities and start anew. There is no other way.

I don't understand how at one point I was a miserable self loathing sad sack. I look back at myself and it makes me sad how low I stooped. Licking your own wounds is unproductive. It does nothing to progress or heal your situation or your mind frame. I used all the grief and loss I endured in my life for many years as a crutch. For what- I really don't know. Pity maybe but I think I was just lost and desperately needed attention or a woman role model. Who knows. It was awful and I'm not proud of it. 

Today I have done a complete 180. I no longer feel sorry for myself really ever. I think it's pathetic. You are always in charge of your life and the decisions you make to better it. If your life sucks- DO SOMETHING about it! Don't sit on your ass and try to either manipulate the situation or others to get what you want. This is why I cannot stand and don't understand control freaks. Have integrity. Have honor. Do it the right way with pure intention. 

My gratitude for today is hope. Without it we really have nothing to strive for and nothing to motivate us. I have an unparalleled amount of hope within myself, even after I've gone through things so painful they are hard to even think about. I never want pity or people to feel sorry for me as that doesn't change anything. But I do feel the fact that I have never been "fortunate" or "rich" or "spoiled" has kept me grounded and humble. It's forced me to take a long hard look at myself and make make adjustments and adapt. Its one of my greatest gifts in life. When there's hope, there is life.